Your words are my vice like
a parasite that ignites
my fears
and incites me
to tears
deep inside
you applied this
unwanted spy but
it still resides and
you’ve disappeared
I dream of the times when our minds would align
with the stars in the sky
with a shine so divine that
the exposure seemed fine and our trust was the blind
kind
of like feigning our truth
and remaining with presumably nothing to hide
I was denying the obvious
blind swinging with weakened fists
grasping to rewind all this
But you still left me despite of the length of that hike
the one I hike every night
remembering the fright
and the might in my fight
before I met you but after the loss of my light
your parasite needs a host that’s alive to survive
and I’m trying
but it’s tiring
this continual unwinding
from who I was and who I am
and how you could never understand that
the touch of your hand
Can
put me to sleep
remind me to weep
forget my defeat
My head treads above water
and the shallow end gets farther
away
I’m afraid
that I’ll drown
you’re not around
to be sure I’m ok
to be sure that I make it
across where we planned
I can’t stand
I can’t stand
I can’t stand without you
I can’t handle this too.
I can still hear the wounds in my head
causing dread
and confusion, the illusion drenched in red
and I search for restitute
But all is black,
I am blind,
I am deaf,
I am mute
But I still hear his words
That demanded my courage
But now I am stranded
abandoned and branded
I just need a bandage
To protect from infection
And nourish the reflection
Of the pain you injected instead of protecting me
Like you promised.
Tag Archives: POEMS
The Human Condition
Don't mistake these tears
They aren't for you
Not literally.
I'm actually fine
I'm better now that I can see
No longer surrounded in a darkness
No longer blinded by naivety
Or by you
No longer am I forced to watch in horror as your
greed
eats away at your
heart
No, seeing you does not bring the comfort of nostalgia
Seeing you reminds me that the goodness in humanity is becoming
obsolete
You see, my soul lives to experience human goodness
Selflessness
Empathy
Love
I don't know why I can't feel it anymore
I hope I get to feel again
Seeing you reminds me of a time when even after one of life's brutal beatings
I still had hope
I had faith
in you
in humanity
Seeing you reminds me that my optimism is wavering
My optimism is embarrassing
and lonely
It wants to give up
Because with 100% of my soul, guided by the ignorance of my optimism,
I believed
and I was wrong
and that shocked me.
And now I'm afraid I'll never be shocked again
I'm afraid my soul won't survive a mind that can no longer
expect good
My tears are for those of us who are affected by you who cannot see the polluted world you've created
Forcing us complicit
Your narcissism and hate cloud our skies
Your abuse of power
hurts
our eyes
our hearts
our hope
You block our light and mock our dreams
We are suffering because of your inability to understand that this world
doesn't
belong
to you
Your inability to realize how detrimental
you are
to society
Our society
that you stole for yourselves
and love is dull
but your BMW is shiny
And your indifference breaks my heart
The significance of my tears mean nothing to you
nor does the pain you would feel if you could feel
with my heart
Why have you approached me?
If you want forgiveness, just ask
If you want forgiveness, look at me
I'll forgive you
Just be better
I need to feel again
Boundaries
I have been told I need to set boundaries I wish I had boundaries made of stone Wishful thinking has become a past time As time keeps passing by And all of life's lessons seem fruitless now Because even if I could stop my watch While time waits for me to understand It would still be just a waste of time You see, my mind is no longer mine It doesn't resonate with these times I close my eyes and obsessively ponder why I'm still here When did I wake from the dreams filled with promises that my wishes let in? I just want to sleep in. Why is it so hard to love? Protecting myself from those who understand When nobody really understands I don't want to be like you You, who take my kindness and use it as a doormat You, who wonders why I'm defensively reacting so strongly to the shock of the unnatural To me Naturally, I assume you an alchemist Fixating on amethyst and quartz Desperately I wear a hair shirt for you But you tell me that it's cotton and I must be crazy if it hurts I don't want to be crazy so I hold in my pain while I painstakingly hunger to try to figure out Who I am If I am anything but crazy And I bite my tongue For your peace And I hold back my emotions For my sanity And I'm afraid I will be stuck here Forever Alone Because the doormat got old A little rough around the edges But Quiet still Welcoming even though Dirt piled on and no one cared to clean it up it's just a fucking doormat anyway If only it were the door So necessary and cared for Harder to replace, harder to ignore the screams when it becomes unhinged Impossible not to notice it I am not familiar with my own existence Why do I need boundaries here when I barely am Living As a doormat And waiting for the day I wither away Or my mind comes back with the times Will I take back what was once mine? Could I survive another try? If we are made up of our memories and mine don't come with certainties Am I nobody again? Do I start over and then Make bigger boundaries And when Do I begin?
WORDS OF EXPRESSION 