I have been told I need to set boundaries I wish I had boundaries made of stone Wishful thinking has become a past time As time keeps passing by And all of life's lessons seem fruitless now Because even if I could stop my watch While time waits for me to understand It would still be just a waste of time You see, my mind is no longer mine It doesn't resonate with these times I close my eyes and obsessively ponder why I'm still here When did I wake from the dreams filled with promises that my wishes let in? I just want to sleep in. Why is it so hard to love? Protecting myself from those who understand When nobody really understands I don't want to be like you You, who take my kindness and use it as a doormat You, who wonders why I'm defensively reacting so strongly to the shock of the unnatural To me Naturally, I assume you an alchemist Fixating on amethyst and quartz Desperately I wear a hair shirt for you But you tell me that it's cotton and I must be crazy if it hurts I don't want to be crazy so I hold in my pain while I painstakingly hunger to try to figure out Who I am If I am anything but crazy And I bite my tongue For your peace And I hold back my emotions For my sanity And I'm afraid I will be stuck here Forever Alone Because the doormat got old A little rough around the edges But Quiet still Welcoming even though Dirt piled on and no one cared to clean it up it's just a fucking doormat anyway If only it were the door So necessary and cared for Harder to replace, harder to ignore the screams when it becomes unhinged Impossible not to notice it I am not familiar with my own existence Why do I need boundaries here when I barely am Living As a doormat And waiting for the day I wither away Or my mind comes back with the times Will I take back what was once mine? Could I survive another try? If we are made up of our memories and mine don't come with certainties Am I nobody again? Do I start over and then Make bigger boundaries And when Do I begin?