Drowning

Your words are my vice like
a parasite that ignites 
my fears 
and incites me 
to tears
deep inside 
you applied this 
unwanted spy but 
it still resides and 
you’ve disappeared


I dream of the times when our minds would align 
with the stars in the sky 
with a shine so divine that 
the exposure seemed fine and our trust was the blind 
         kind 
of like feigning our truth 
and remaining with presumably nothing to hide
 
I was denying the obvious 
blind swinging with weakened fists 
grasping to rewind all this 
But you still left me despite of the length of that hike
the one I hike every night
remembering the fright 
and the might in my fight
before I met you but after the loss of my light

your parasite needs a host that’s alive to survive 
and I’m trying 
but it’s tiring 
this continual unwinding 
from who I was and who I am 
and how you could never understand that 
the touch of your hand 
Can
put me to sleep
remind me to weep 
forget my defeat

My head treads above water
and the shallow end gets farther 
away
I’m afraid 
that I’ll drown 
you’re not around 
to be sure I’m ok
to be sure that I make it
across where we planned 

I can’t stand
I can’t stand 
I can’t stand without you
I can’t handle this too. 
I can still hear the wounds in my head
causing dread 
and confusion, the illusion drenched in red 
and I search for restitute
But all is black, 
I am blind, 
I am deaf, 
I am mute
But I still hear his words
That demanded my courage 

But now I am stranded  
abandoned and branded 
I just need a bandage
To protect from infection 
And nourish the reflection 
Of the pain you injected instead of protecting me 

Like you promised.