Did you know the finality of the words you spoke Through gnashing teeth While coughing up blood From a hardened heart Convinced my sentiment a hoax? Was the irony lost When you cut off the kite string that allowed you to fly And then vanished on foot? Desperation held the search party. I sucked in a breath of cold air Bitter realization stole my soul As my fate became sealed in the ritual of my own self denial Intestines turning green Master of self destruction I tried it all, why wouldn’t I? And all the while you made a mockery of my descent like it was done by design After a year, still no reply Same after five Ten years ago you disappeared And I could only decipher why From pieces of memory memorized by a mind in shock and dread The one thing you repeatedly said Was that I couldn’t be trusted to stay Would you admit that you were wrong in the end? That you were taking revenge on a misconception. Could you comprehend yet that I actually meant What I told you back then Would you still be content If you knew that I spent ten years while expectantly Waiting to hear your words spoken again.
A Poem to My Mom Hey mom Do you mind if I borrow your time? My best friend is upstairs and she’s totally crying At 13 years old, confused by the ruse and why her mom doesn’t love like you do Without hesitation you held her with love and you did it through many years to come. I watched as you lent her your heart to be brave You lent it so selflessly to help mend her pain And you showed her a love she had never been paid I wish you knew how I saw you right then Powerfully humble and genuine But mostly I witnessed the strength you held within A strength you discreetly handed your children. Hey mom Will you move over so I can get in? I’m sorry to wake you, I can’t sleep again Don’t give me that look, the movie was scary I’m aware of my age mom, am I not still your baby? I know you secretly still want to cradle me I was 18 years old and you didn’t hesitate To let me sleep with you no matter how late Or the fact you weren’t even awake You lifted the covers and I settled in deep And you even stroked my hair until I was asleep. Hey mom You look happy but your smile is beguiling. A road trip to New Orleans? This is really exciting! What made you decide to do this with me? Oh You’ve noticed I’m sad, this could help, I see Well, you’ve got no hesitancy coming from me but Honestly I can’t believe what I’m seeing. You coming out of your comfort zone for my well being Nothing about that idea could be easy Still the journey began so open and freely. We spent two nights but we were not done The night clubs, casinos, it was too much fun. And we stayed an extra night since we were having a great time I cherish that trip. It’s a top memory of mine And I hope that I told you how you were right I began to really heal because of your sacrifice Just another example of the mother who raised me These gestures aren’t small but you made them seem easy. Hey mom guess what, I’m having a daughter Why are you laughing You think this is karma? You’ll come visit me though as soon as you can I need to watch how you did it again This time I’m going to pay close attention And watch how you teach her your love and affection. You loved my kids as much as I do and I knew I could always come and talk to you About any detail no matter how small Your love would shine as you praised them all. Hey mom I’m back home now and I’m ok I don’t talk to you often But I have so much to say. Life is busy right now but I’ll try to make time If you would text then communication would be fine. It’s actually better to hear your voice Or see you when we get that choice. I miss you so much I don’t really know now If I’m going to get through this without telling you how My kids are doing so I can hear you praise them Or to talk your ear off knowing you actually listen. It was unexpected and I wish I could have said a proper goodbye Though what would I have said.. Thank you for being my mom Thank you for a million more examples I can’t begin to list
I’ve been setting up this site and just slowly filling it with pieces I’ve already written. It’s frightening to write in the present on a public website. I had to start this though and that’s because my mom died last weekend; Saturday October 23rd. She was 77 and that’s a long life but it was unexpected. We were talking about recipes we would never get to try with one another now. She just got sick with some infection and died. It’s such a strange feeling to lose your mom. I mean, there’s like a physical void I feel that’s painful and hollow. And I know that I will get better, I believe I will just get used to the hollow. Because there just isn’t anything that replaces my mom.
I am attempting poetry but we will see if that lands. I’m kind of creatively in shock for now.
I did, however; take the week to be in a movie watching event. I had to watch 30 movies and rate and review them within a week. So over in my movie reviews section, I’ll talk about that more.
Write any kind of comment/question you like. And thanks for reading. Below is my mother’s obituary.